Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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