he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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