Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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