I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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