I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
