We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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