fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No stitches, just platelets and will power
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
