So drunk its hurt
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
