He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
