Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
