The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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