A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
