He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
