I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
