i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
