My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
