also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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