i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
