At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
