Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
