ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
