i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
