my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
