official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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