also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
