The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just invented taco cereal.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
