i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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