we made out on top of his cat.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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