I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
