Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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