I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
