fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
