so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
