ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
