The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
