...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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