I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
