I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
