Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
