There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
