my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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