You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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