We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
love makes seman taste better
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
