I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize