i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
