Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
