LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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