and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
