I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
high people should be assigned attendants
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
