At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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