just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
