Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
