i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
