Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize