if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
