Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
