last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
