things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
