dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
pray to the hookup gods
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
