i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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