I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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