Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize