My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize