dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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