Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
