i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
