I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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