Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
