Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This show inspires me to have sex in space
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
