This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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