The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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