At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
