Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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